This Thanksgiving I made my first ever pumpkin pie, from scratch no less. Simple as it was, I felt grateful for the opportunity to bake.  Not only do I have the means to bake a delicious dessert but the company to enjoy it with – and for that I am thankful. Often times we aren’t appreciative enough for the humble pleasures in life. There is always, always, always something to be thankful for.

Do you take for granted the things that most deserve your gratitude? What if you woke up tomorrow without the very things you overlooked being thankful for today? At closer examination, perhaps the way you’ve got it right now isn’t so bad compared to the stripped down version.   Gratitude turns what we have into enough.  Jealousy comes form counting others blessings instead of our own. All we have is all we need.  All we need is the awareness of how blessed we really are and counting your own blessings infinitely multiples your happiness.

Understandably there are the critics who don’t easily warm up to gratitude, cynically believing that the world has beat them down and turned against them. Fair enough you may be dealt an unimaginable hand, but it is exactly at those times we must be most gracious.  It shows strength when we’re thankful even for those things that we don’t immediately feel gratitude towards. The things that go wrong make us stronger and wiser for the next time. Appreciating that experience shows resilience.

Look for places to practice gratitude. Share a smile with your loved one. Nod to the person exiting the mall for holding the door and wave at the guy letting you in their lane during a traffic jam. Gratitude is acknowledgement.  It is an action that we must put into practice every day. This weekend, just like every other Thanksgiving since I was a child, my Mom makes us pause and reflect. We aren’t allowed to scarf down our feast until we go around the table and say at least one thing we are thankful for.  Even now I still think it’s a bit cheesy.  But just as I stood there in the kitchen with hands covered in pumpkin puree I realize my great fortune. I have the hands to create it, the oven to bake it, and the roof over my head to serve it.  Some people keep a gratitude journal. I don’t know if I would go so far as to that kind of homework but maybe once a day we should implement my Mother’s Thanksgiving ritual. Take a second to pause and give thanks, even if it is just for another day on this planet. It's as easy as pie.

Avo, it’s Portuguese for Grandmother.  Let me tell you, my Avo is a real firecracker.  Barely 5 feet tall and shrinking with age, she is the strongest, boldest woman I know.  When she got engaged, her future in-laws were terrified—why would their son want to marry a woman so petite and frail? Surely she would die young; little did they know she would be the widower for the better part of last three decades.  But that didn’t stop Avo.  She traveled the world by train, plane, and boat.  She’d regularly use public transit to venture to Toronto for the day to shop the markets and visit her favourite hair salon and nail spa. 

They say a Grandmother is twice a mother, and nothing could be truer in my case.  Avo moved in with us before I reached kindergarten and practically raised me.  I can only now fully appreciate what a privilege it was to share that close bond with an elder so full of wisdom from such a young age.   Unfortunately, Avo’s health has been declining over the few past years.   She suffers from anxiety and dementia or as she would humorously describe in her Portuguese accent, “I think when you get old you can remember things from…from…” she struggles to recall the English word and waves her hand in a backwards motion signaling the past, “…more than what you did yesterday.”  But wisdom is not lost on Avo, not thirty minutes later she’ll repeat that exact same piece of gold.

This past weekend I ‘babysat’ my Avo and went to a baby shower.  I couldn’t help but acknowledge the juxtaposition of one life nearing it’s final curtain and the promise of a new one just beginning.  It was interesting to think about sitting there with the very woman who moved in as my full time caregiver when I was just a toddler, now being the one supervised and attended to.  When we grow old, just like when we are in our early years of life, we are our most vulnerable.  Seniors and children are more similar than may appear at first glance: both require someone to feed them, care for them, make sure they are driven around, and taken to appointments.   In fact, the most dependent aspects of our character mark the bookends of our lives.   So why do we search our whole life to be independent, strong, get a good head on our shoulders, only to ultimately return to that same vulnerability we eagerly tried to escape.  Name one senior in their wise old age who doesn’t long to be young and naïve again or revels in the ‘good old days.’  So why do we desperately seek independence for a large chunk in the middle of our lives?  

Now, I realize many believe that in the end, it all comes down to the individual, no one but you will have your best interests in mind.  You are alone in your quest for bliss and the responsibility for your own life’s happiness rests squarely on your shoulders.  In fact, some people have such a chip on their shoulder, they don’t want assistance from anyone!  Men are particularly susceptible to this brand of pride; we’ve all encountered a gent or two whose depth of independence renders them emotionally unavailable.  Women aren’t excluded from the rat race either.  Flick on the radio, R&B songs are littered with the ‘independent woman’ movement.  Heck, we’re commissioning flights all the way to Mars so humankind can finally claim liberation and find solitude.  But what’s the big incentive to go at life alone?  Why do we try and act like we don’t need anybody else? Why are we running away from our true selves and our innate desire to connect.  Is it really such a bad idea to have a companion or crew along the way for the journey? 

Thinking back to my Grandmother, undoubtedly a fearless and self-determined woman with a whole lifetime of experiences behind her, it’s not her independent days she remembers, but rather the memories of the ‘good old days’ of her youth.  The times of simplicity, vulnerability, and naivety are the ones she can recollect most fondly.  Unprotected, exposed, and blissfully innocent.   We must be more fearless in our daily lives to put down the shield and let others in, only then can we be our true self.  Sure it’s not always easy to share our struggles and insecurities because of our pride and the risk of embarrassment—but you can’t allow your fear to turn you into a person you are not.   There’s no need to wear a suit of armor or have a guard up with the people who are closest to you in your life.  Everyone comes with baggage, so surround yourself with people who’ll let you unpack.  Often times, you’ll realize that most people struggle with the same things you do and you’ll learn that the isolation of independence only hinders us from truly dealing with our hurts, habits, and hang-ups.  Attempt to abandon the independent mantra for a moment and adopt the psychology of an aged adult or a newborn babe.  What is most integral to who we are and what is inherent within us comes naturally  when we are at our most vulnerable, and inevitably, that's when our authentic self shows up. 

I’ve been doing a lot of traveling recently on airplanes and it’s always kind mundane when you’re sitting there in the ‘upright position,’ anticipating takeoff and the flight attendants are gesturing all the safety maneuvers at you.  Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I typically ignore this part completely, that is, up until my last flight back to Toronto.  I must commend the originality of the male stewardess on the mic, he gave a cynical yet comedic performance of the emergency instructions – complete with quips about the plane going down.  And then it occurred to me, as his colleagues flashed the gear around; those Oxygen masks that drop out of the ceiling, yes those Ziploc bags with the straw, is that really going to help me when we are going down?   Luckily, my thoughts were interrupted by, “…pull the mask over your face, breath normally, as opposed to abnormally, before assisting other passengers – this even includes small children.” 

As I began to do my ritual of a little deep breathing to calm the nerves pre-takeoff, that last part resonates in my brain, “…even small children.”  In the interest of full disclosure, I’ve always been an advocate for the breath.  It’s so simple yet we take it for granted.  Breath means life.  To take the time to actually slow down and breath deeply for a few moments is so equally rewarding and elusive in our fast paced world.    After all, life really is only guaranteed from breath to the breath.  And yet here we are, learning how to save our lives in the event of a plane crash and we’re told, instructed actually, to breathe our own breath before we help another.  Better still, even before a small, innocent child who is only on the flight because he doesn't take up a seat and he’s free before age two! 

So if you must be selfish in life, be selfish when it comes to the breath, because as you breathe right now, someone else is taking their last.  Take the time to be conscious of each cloud of oxygen, show gratitude towards it, and never let it go to waste.  Just like on a plane, even the science of our bodies demand that we successfully nurture, care, and invest in our own breath before helping another breathe.  Breath is the one thing we can always fall back on to remind us to be in the moment.  So inhale and exhale like you mean it, and breathe your own breath.

To be or not to be.  It certainly was and remains to be the question.  To 'be' is to live. To exist.  And in this existence of ours we are faced with the choice: to be this or to not be that.  But along the way of choosing our own adventure we face a whole whack of expectations, and not all are the great kind.  We encounter these expectations - good or bad - everywhere we turn.  Ads tell us how to dress, behave, and what products to consume.  Our friends, family, and loved one impose their demands on us in order to label us reliable or irresponsible, considerate or thoughtless.  Pressure in the workplace to surpass your colleagues and meet your targets lands us ahead or behind the pack, all under the watchful eye of upper management.  Now, I suppose it's ok to have high expectations for yourself (although you may want to tread carefully when it comes to holding on to far-fetched standards), but more typically, we are guilty of putting more weight in the opinions of others than that of our own. 

But we aim to please.  We bend over backwards to attain these expectations.  We intentionally project that for us everything simply comes both naturally and effortlessly.  We front that flawless image of who we are.  Now I get that there are many times where pretending you're Mr. or Ms. Amazing and Fabulous can work out in your favour -- I can turn a blind eye to a complimentary beverage on the house, preferred seating at the game, or even skating out of a speeding ticket.  But by and large why on earth are we actually parading around as part of an artificial facade?  What puzzles me most though is: to please whom? Really, who are we trying to impress with the song and dance?   Who's approval is so crucial?  What's more, is often times we fall short of the mystique we are boasting anyway.  Sending out the message that you are something you are not, is not only fake, it's hypocritical, because here you are clinging to the idea that you are genuine and 'real' in the first place.

You may have heard or even used the phrase "I don't care what other people think!"  But saying this and putting it into practice are two completely different things.  What I think it really all boils down to, is that the true measure of who we are is how we choose to be or not to be when no one is around playing big brother.  If you're comfortable with your actions and can support your thought processes and decisions, why are you changing to satisfy another?

So are we putting too much weight in what others think of us?  It depends.  But I do think its important to consider the source.  As the world renowned Dr. Seuss once wrote, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." I think more people should take the good Dr's advice.  Plus, what fun would life be if we only ever followed what's expected of us, even if it is a great expectation.

Acquaintances, friends with benefits, no strings attached.  Bit by bit, we've begun pushing the limits and blurring the lines of what our friendships and romantic connections are, and the growing theme is relationships without borders.   Perhaps it's because the world is constantly pressing us to put a label on our relationships - after all, what is a relationship without definition?  Look at social media outlets like Facebook demanding to know our relationship status - even if it's complicated - and a detailed history chronicling when and where you met, oh and don't forget to tag who introduced you.   And if we aren't being virtually accosted over categorizing our friendships, we are subliminally probed by our parents, peers, and even the public on the romantic front.  Especially if you're over a certain vintage, suddenly dating someone 6 months means it's time to shop rings.

But I'm not so convinced we are consciously rebelling against the social norms by not pooling our mates into a box.  Its actually much more possible that we are keeping others at bay so we don't need to make a decision one way or another how we feel about this person whether its friendship or something more significant.   Keeping others at an arms length can temporarily protect us but more importantly, it illuminates distrust.  So I'm not so concerned with the titling of Best Friend, Boyfriend, or Wife, but the conditions of that label.  When it comes to any type of relationship, it's all based on where you draw the line.

Trust is the foundation of any relationship no matter how limited or insignificant that relationship may be.  But trust can only ever fully function when both parties agree to play by the same set of rules.  You draw a line in the sand and vow never to cross it.  Now, it doesn't mean you can't disagree on what falls into the black, white, and grey areas in life, it's just that you agree what is above or below the belt in the context of your relationship.  So no, you don't need to share the same values per-say, but rather simply agree to the same values.  Because when you set these parameters you define what's acceptable and what's considered inappropriate and you set the framework to define your relationship.  You can feel liberated in the sense that you can now trust the other person because you are both following the same guidelines.

Next time someone in your life tries to give you the gears for being on the relationship fence, fear not so long as you and the opposing party have mutually consented to the same terms.  So yes, it's entirely possible to just be polite and cordial with someone who rubs you the wrong way but swims in your social circle, as long as you both concede to doing so.  You can have friends with whom you have long periods of not speaking and pick up where you left off with ease.  Intimate relations can function without the regular slew of baggage as long as those finer details are ironed out beforehand.  Your friendships can be casual or serious so long as it is agreed upon what the benefits are.  Ultimately, you just need to know who to draw the line with and where to draw the line.

The majority of people work the typical 40 hour 9-5, Monday to Friday.  So when I ask, what day do you consider the first day of the week, Monday, would be the natural response.  Calendars can be confusing, they fluctuate from publisher to publisher and some even leave space for you to fill in your 'day 1' yourself.  Now, most people would agree that our mindset can dictate a lot in life: our choices, our attitudes and even our perceptions.  So we need to be extra cautious in how we set our minds and a Sunday start to the week can make a huge difference in how the rest of your week goes.

Years ago businesses remained closed, markets locked up and hell, even the Lord rested on this day.  Nowadays, times have changed some, and Sundays can be just as productive as the rest of the week.  My logic is to use your Sunday in a way that serves you best.  If it suits you to wake up, eat some bacon and eggs and laze on the couch, sloth away my friend.  If it's time to stock up your cupboards, head to the local grocery store.  My mom used to have her weekly Sunday beauty regimen of a self-manicure to beautify for the hustle and bustle of the week ahead.  I encourage you to do whatever it is that helps you feel prepped and prepared.   In our house we make an effort to go to bed early on Sundays.  We find that if we stay up late, it messes up our sleep patterns for remaining days of the week and leaves you in a groggy haze.  Really, it's all about Sunday setting the tone.   So whether it's a clean house that helps you feel at ease or getting active in or out of the gym, use this day the right way for you.

When you start to think of Sunday as the start of your week you realize how easy it is to capitalize on this day and start your week off on a positive note - one that you can carry with you the rest of the week.  A Sunday start to the week builds momentum, plus, it means you can start thinking of those Manic Mondays as one step closer to the weekend.

'If you harbour bitterness, happiness docks elsewhere.'

I drive past this little Church every day on the way home from work and every week on their board they have a new attempt at posting a thought-provoking phrase.    This week night after night I read and reread, 'If you harbour bitterness, happiness docks elsewhere.'    It's been said that our past experiences molds us into who we are today, but think about it for a second, what exactly does that mean?  Did you ever stop to ponder how crucial our thoughts of how we remember things are?  We've all remembered something a little differently than how it happened whether it be to minimize or embellish - that's just our self-esteem's self defense - but more than likely, it's never as horrible as we would portray.   So I got to thinking about how we collect memories.  How we hold on to past hurts or 'bad memories' which can disrupt and harm the course of our life's future events.  We put our guard up to life in order to protect ourselves because we are living with the fear of our pasts wounds - whether or not they are rooted in reality. And who gets punished most? Ourselves.

I've been told I have a bad memory, or as some might like to label: absent-minded.  But in my defense look at this wild world we live in, there is so much being thrust upon us it is near impossible to filter it all out.  We absorb new ideologies, concepts, and experiences on a constant basis, no wonder at times I leave the washroom wondering, did I flush?  My brain is full.

So it's time to hit delete.  My suggestion, start with the awful stuff.  What is the point of forging forward with one foot in your dreary past.  Whether it's that embarrassing moment at your work meeting, the time you went in for the kiss and got the cheek, or even as simple as burning your dinner for four.  Throw those feelings of disappointment in the trash.   Now, it's not to say you aren't to take from your past, because you are, you take the lesson; but the real point is not to keep it in your tape library to relive and replay.

Even if you don't have a bad memory like me, why use up precious space on your internal hard drive to document the not-go-good times when you could save room for the oh-so-great times?  Don't waste your space with the negative bad memories, it really would be a bad memory decision.

Hallmark Holiday.  It's the label most people put on that lovely day each year that hits us smack dab in the middle of February, Valentine's Day.   The day we are prompted to treat our special someone to copious amounts of chocolate, overpriced roses, and expensive dinners out.  And I get it, the notion that we don't really need to designate a day each year to cut out pink hearts and hang pictures of Cupid in our windows.   But the most surprising thing is that this sentiment comes from both the coupled up and singles alike.  I know many may argue that we don't need to set a date on the calendar to express our love - we should do it everyday of the year,  right?  How truly unfortunate that we have become so disengaged and jaded when it comes to love that we neglect to see V-Day as an opportunity to embrace love in all it's forms.

Think about it: Birthdays allow us to reflect on the fact another year has passed and remind ourselves how quickly the time goes, Thanksgiving and Christmas permit the lengthy periods of downtime to finally get around to seeing your extended family, and even the Statutory Holiday Long Weekends in the summer offer a chance to reconnect with old friends under the sun.  We need these special days.  We must ensure that we don't risk loosing our intimate times of affection by penciling date night into our hectic schedule.  Rather, we have to continue to print these unique days in bold, permanent ink.  I agree that we don't need a significant day to show others that we care but often times the nature of life's demands take priority over what's really important which is why it's imperative that we cease these moments as a reminder be thankful for our relationships.  More importantly, we must recognize that Valentine's Day is the one Holiday that truly encompasses and unites everyone, even those singles who may feel singled out.

You may have heard the phrase,  "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."  Solid advice from that frat boy trying to interfere with your long distance relationship.  I've heard this saying from time to time and always dismissed it as rationale for someone who lacks physical proximity to their mate, or even for those who 'settle' for whatever lands in their lap.   But when I started to think more and more of all my single friends who often lament this Hallmark Holiday, and even those in solid relationships who view it as a cash grab for corporations - maybe we should all be following that advice this Vday, or at least the last part of it: love the one you're with.   When you take the real root of that advice, perhaps that drunken college logic isn't too far off course and actually sheds some light at the end of that 24 hour tunnel that is Single's Awareness Day (coincidentally also on the 14th).  It's not about spending money and going over the top, above and beyond but more about acknowledging those we love with love.

Valentine's day doesn't have to be all about our romantic relationships, it is a celebration of love, a time to slow down the pace and really show gratitude for those special people in our lives -- in all kinds of relationships.  So love the one you're with this Valentine's Day, whether it's your best friend, parent, or sister.   Let your mailman, your hairstylist or even your pet be your Valentine, after all, there are no bounds when it comes to love.  And if you are in a romantic relationship, love the one you're with too.  Show them that for you, they are the most fascinating and exciting person in the world.  Make them feel like they radiate an incomparable energy that brings a swing to your step and a twinkle in your eye. 

Valentine's Day is a day to love and be loved so this Hallmark Holiday, love the one you're with

The moment happens every year...it's December 31st, 11:59pm and the countdown starts: 10...9...8...

What is it about the turning of the page in the calendar, that segment in time from then to now, that sets in motion this worldwide sentiment of renewal, the hope of something good to come in the next chapter.  And for just a few seconds we are united in our optimism that next year will bring something new, something different, and something exciting.

Most people make resolutions, some even compile a list of goals.  But perhaps those that don't are just more perceptive to realize that these promises we make to ourselves -- while made with the best of intentions -- are more than likely to inevitably fail.  Now, there are a number of reasons that resolutions don't stick, typically because they are unrealistic, far-fetched and or simply unattainable.  In other words, without a complete lifestyle overhaul its not very likely you'll drop 50 pounds by next winter.  Not to worry, it's not all doom and gloom.  In fact, the focus shouldn't be on our lack of achievements but rather a closer examination of what is prohibiting our success.  Sure having a well thought out game plan helps but it's more about putting your mind in the right head space.

So the question I have is, why wait until Dec 31st?  What is so special and significant about this day, really?  If you want to eat healthier, start now.  If you want to get in shape surely there is a fitness class available in your area, tonight.  If debt is weighing you down start your financial strategies pronto.  After all, do we really require a countdown to gain the strength and momentum to live our best life?  I know change is never easy but isn't a resolution a sense of resolve, something you should feel good about?  So why on earth would you want to wait to feel good?  Why put off what you really want any longer?  

A few things that made the list for me this year: yoga three times a week, read more books, and maybe not surprisingly, getting back into writing by starting a blog.  But I'm not waiting for a special launch party, no countdown will set me in motion to make what I really want out of life a priority.   Because to be honest, in this busy life how often do we set aside the time for what makes us happy?  So inject the good bits that you want, make time for those things and scrap the rest.   If there is something you are truly looking to achieve my thought is, why wait? Do it.

The hardest part about resolutions is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear and there is no time like the present to get started because the countdown doesn't start at 10, the clock has been ticking since the moment you were born.